In ones life, there are things that can be happen in which I don't want it to be happen. The saddest thing is that I'm pretty much unprepared to accept things. Thus, the greatest fear that inflicted me most is to discover the things that are not meant for me and there's nothing else I can do but to cry and I feel so helpless.After all, we've never been together... It's like a blowing wind that passes me by, soothes to all my senses, can even heal my troubled soul and makes up my longing's in life instantly. By then, I felt so secured and elated.
But why on earth everything needs to be changed? All of the sudden, everything has changed so swiftly and gradually shattered all my dreams because someone has intervened my way as if that person would ready to slap me out.
I came to realized that twa's excruciating when I get myself involved to the person I like and unknowingly, I already fall into his own deep well. People claimed, there are many fishes in the ocean but for me only one fish that caught my attention and could satisfy my hunger... Only him. That fish is such a poison that kills me softly.
I must admit, for the whole entire of my life I've never been in love and now something is amiss and I can feel inside of me - the agony. I confess, I'm terribly in love yet heart broken. It's hard to know that I felt like...cheated by someone you love and that someone can't love you back.
I cannot even stop my love...I cannot help my feelings but one thing is for sure I am truly in love for the very first time. It was like a thunder that struck me most and yet there's nothing else I can do for I don't have the right in the first place.
The lesson that I've learned, if you truly in love with someone just let him go and so I did...it's sad though. I would rather bear the anguish and just be glad for his own happiness, for his one and only true love... someone else.
People do keep on asking me "Dear, are you okay? something's wrong on you. You were so quiet these past few weeks?". I confess, I'm not okay but I would rather say "Yes, I am okay", for the benefit of everyone who truly showed their concern, love and sympathy.
I hope and I pray that soon after, in God's time this pain that I have would eventually subside. Now, I'm struggling enough to wrestle with my fears and learn to shut down my emotions for a while as it doesn't make sense at all. After all, he doesn't deserved for my love. I can forgive and I will forgive.
I do know that Happiness in this world is not absolute. However, I would struggle more to earn the most precious stone in this world and that is LOVE. I want to keep my hopes up that someday everything will turns out perfectly and will put into its own place.
I confess, I wont ever cry over spilled milk but I'm moving on... still.
